![]() ![]() If you use or abuse alcohol or drugs and fail to perform the duties required by your job acceptably, you are likely to be terminated. Sam Zell, the real-estate tycoon turned media mogul, took his brusque, fake-folksy style to his minions at the Tribune with a new employee manual.Bonuses now in the bank, Goldman rewarded bankers for a record-setting year with a special surprise: layoffs! Īt Least Sam Zell Is Pragmatic About the Fact That Most Journalists Are Functional Alcoholics MEDIA.Meanwhile, top executive Jean-Pierre Mustier told the Times: “I was speaking to a competitor, this competitor called me and said, ‘You are living what is a banker’s worst nightmare.’” Imagine how dramatic that must have sounded in French. But some argue that he was responsible for only 1.5 billion euros in losses, and the bank’s board lost the other 3.4 billion euros unwinding his positions way too fast. Just how big a fraud did Jérôme Kerviel, the rogue French trader, pull off? Before the bank caught him, he had taken out positions worth 50 billion euros.The closest anyone has come, the magazine notes, is the chairman and chief executive of Moody’s Corp, who said, “We and others have to retool our processes In hindsight, it’s clear to us that there were fundamental failures in key assumptions supporting our analytical models.” Quoth Fortune: “That’s probably a little too mealy-mouthed and much too late to console people who bought the mortgage-backed commercial paper to which Moody’s and its rival Standard & Poor’s gave a top-notch AAA rating - only to discover it was actually junk.” Snap! Fortune searches Davos for financiers to express contrition over the current credit crisis but comes up empty.*From here to the end everything we say is liesīeing Filthy Rich Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry FINANCE Placenta, of course, will be auctioned on eBay starting at midnight the day of the birth. We hear Star is offering an undisclosed but gargantuan sum to anyone who can bring them a photo of the twins with the umbilical cord still attached, and Nick Denton, of Gawker, will pay $7 per second of streaming video to anyone who has the gumption to film the actual birth scene, complete with a sweaty, screaming J.Lo and a pallid and revolted Marc Anthony. In any case,* the black-market number for purloined photos is said to be significantly higher. ![]() However, since there are two Lopez babies, it’s really only $3.25 million per twin, and that’s is kind of a slap in the face if you think about it. According to the esteemed New Zealand Herald, Lopez has “banned staff from entering the room where she is due to give birth.” This is likely due to the fact that People magazine has reportedly offered $6.5 million for pictures of the twins, the most money a baby has fetched since the magazine paid $4 million for pics of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in 2004. Not that we would know if they were, because the hospital is on lockdown. This very important news comes to us courtesy of “Page Six,” and since the Post went to press last night, this could mean that babies are bursting out of J.Lo’s vagina right this very second. Nation, Gird Your Loins! The Lopez-Anthony Twins Cometh! Jennifer Lopez has checked into her private room at Long Island’s North Shore University Hospital, presumably so that she can give birth to the babies that have been making her look majorly fat lately.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |